Thursday, July 4, 2019

Finding Myself Again

Looking back on my life since February, when I went so far down into those deep, dark thoughts that I couldn't handle life anymore, the change astonishes me. I have learned to love myself again. I've regained my joy. I look at my family and feel so full of pride. Everything is different. And it feels good.

Getting here was a long, hard, seemingly impossible journey. I think about how far down I was, how worthless I felt, how numb I was and I see a totally different person. I didn't care. I didn't feel joy. I had lost my Faith. I felt so incredibly empty that I just couldn't see the point in going on. I would think to myself, "who would want a mother like this?" and with each time that thought made it into my brain, I would be a step closer to suicide. Until I would try. Again and again and again. Yet, I'm still here. And oh how grateful I feel.

I know some of you are in that dark, lonely place. You may have lost the spark that makes you, you. I know I did. I was a shell of a human being and it. felt. awful. You may feel like you have nowhere to go or no one to talk to. Or maybe you feel like you are just going in circles from day to day. But you know what? You're here. You still have a purpose. The light may be so far away that it has seemingly gone out, but I promise it's still there. And if you grit your teeth and claw and fight you will see it again. You'll learn to be kind to yourself, you'll learn how to cope, you'll learn how to dance again.

So please, keep fighting. You are so, so worth it. And when you come out on the other side I promise you will be stronger for it.

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