Tonight, as my kids ran wild instead of sitting at the table as they were told to do, I felt it. That black cloud
My world has changed again. The stress and loneliness has gotten to me. The chronic pain I feel with endometriosis has consumed so much of my energy and my ability to function. I'm. Exhausted.
There's a song out right now by Building 429 called "Where I belong" The chorus has words that have resonated with me in a way that only Satan could twist them...
"All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong"
I hear this song on the radio all the time. I know that it's supposed to be encouraging, but all it makes me think of, especially when I'm down, is how much better the other side will be. So often I feel like I don't belong here, that the world would be better off without me.
But I will fight, just like I always do. I will lean on my support system. I will get through it. I'm not entirely sure how right now, but I know I can. I'm aware enough to know my family needs me. That I am loved. I'm present enough to recognize that things are going south, to catch it before it's too late.
I will survive again and again and again. Because I have no other choice.