Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Living with an invisible illness

This isn't something I talk about often, but along with my mental health struggles, I am also living with endometriosis. I hide it the best I can, but I am in constant pain. It wraps around to my back and down my legs most days and because of my psych prescriptions all I can take is tylenol and ibuprofen. Sometimes this helps, most of the time I'm curled up on the couch near tears.

I try not to complain, but I am constantly turning down opportunities to do fun activities with the kids. I am currently sitting here, unable to get comfortable, wondering why the universe has made me push my hysterectomy twice, with no date in sight. I just want the pain to end, but I still have to manage.

I can tell you that this has taken a large toll on my mental health. I often feel useless and like I am a burden. I feel unable to give my kids the life they deserve. I feel unable to explain why I can't go to the park. I feel worthless.

Then I think about what I have already gone through. What I've put my family through. I think about the fact that I can't go to bed early without my kids crying for me. I think about how miraculous it is that I've been blessed with three kiddos when endometriosis can make conceiving so hard. And I realize, I'm worth it. The pain may be excruciating. It may seem like the more gruesome symptoms may never stop. And some days it may be impossible to even stand without crumbling into a seemingly useless pile on the floor, knowing that I need to get up and put on a brave face so I can pick up my kids from school. But I make it work.

I may have to sit more at the park. I may have to turn on Peppa Pig or Paw Patrol to survive the evening alone with my kids. I may complain to my husband until his ears fall off. But I'm here, and I'm worth it.

If you are struggling mentally or physically, know that I am here. I will listen to you and I will love you. Because you are worth so much more than you know.

Have questions, comments or just want to connect? Email me here or head on over to the community on my Facebook Page!

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